I have a very hard time getting my kids to take me seriously. Brian says it's because of all the practical jokes I played on them when they were growing up. Amber says it's because I've done so many weird things in my life that nothing suprises them anymore. For my part, I think they have just become way too conservative and lack imagination.
Most of the time I like to think I've been a fairly good mom, loving, kind, wise and so on--the mom who packed a healthy lunch for her kids, took them to plays and museums, read them stories, and attended PTA meetings.
Then there is the other mom who thinks farts are funny, sees nothing wrong with hanging a nude portrait of their grandmother in the living room , and won't hesitate to buy books or good art supplies but thinks brand name clothing is a waste of money.
My husband says I remind him of a bad child who can't resist the opportunity to pull some crazy stunt. I prefer to think of it as having an "inspired moment."
Take for example the time I decided to use one of those clear, peel-off facial masks to clean my pores. Having waited for ten boring minutes for the stuff to dry, I came up with a brilliant plan.
"Brian!?" I called frantically.
A head poked around the bathroom door. "Yeah, mom?"
"Come here a minute. I need you to take a look at something."
Brian cautiously entered the bathroom. "What is it?"
I ran my hands over my face."God, Brian, I'm so scared. I think there's something wrong with my face. Please, can you take a look at it for me?" My eyes welled up with tears.
My son came a little closer. "What's wrong with it?" he asked suspiciously.
"It's my skin," I wailed. "I think it's coming off. Look!"
To Brian's utter horror I peeled off a huge strip of the clear facial mask. He screamed and backed away, his arms flailing and his legs sort of running place.
"Help me," I wailed piteously pulling off another chunk off my cheek for dramatic effect.
"MOM! You're losing your skin! Oh my GOD!" His voice rose in panic, and he looked around frantically for help. "Should I call 911 or the doctor or something? I think you should go to the hospital!" He hopped first on one foot then the other, torn between fascination and fear.
I couldn't hold back any longer and started laughing. My son stared at me as though I had lost my mind. When I regained enough control to show him the tube of facial mask, he was thoroughly disgusted and stomped out of the room. To this day he has absolutely no sympathy for any physical ailment I might have. He says he figures it's karma coming back to get me.
Personally, I think he's just annoyed he hadn't come up with the idea first.
10 comments:
Brian is so hoping there is something called the Get-Even Gods in the Afterlife.
If that wasn't so funny, it would be... well, less funny, I guess. But only marginally.
Oh my gosh that is so funny, Brian is going to be prepared for being a parent by the very best. I love the stories you share with us here.
That was hillaaaaaaarious!
You're such a funny mom! Well no wonder now your kids don't take you seriously :)
LOL. That is hilarious! I'd say "poor Brian", but I was raised in a family of practical jokers. He'll thrive and survive. :)
That was funny, but I can imagine that he was very scared before he knew you were kidding.
Juno !!! It is also Karma that makes you write so well, I wish I could have that magical pen with me. You can see what a mess i made in my first stint of prose writing blah...blah. I am truly jealous. :)
Now that is what I would call inspired! Too funny! I think your little "clones" are lucky to have you. Man they look just like you!
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane
A parent with a good sense of humor is so much better than the ones who never smile and the kids can never gain their approval. Love is filled with smiles not frowns. When you get your kids out of the house let me know how you did it. My son has come back home with a two year old, and it doesn't look like my daughter, who's a senior is planning on leaving any time soone either.
Beautiful and lovely family!
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